


Half Midnight In The Arse-Crack Of Winter

by faerymorstan



Series: Biscuitverse [6]
Category: Sherlock (TV)
Genre: Crying In The Bathroom Like A Real Grown-Up, Johnlockary - Freeform, Multi, Polyamory, Roller Skating Bar, Self-Esteem Issues NOS
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-09-25
Updated: 2015-09-25
Packaged: 2018-04-23 09:45:46
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 940
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4872139
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/faerymorstan/pseuds/faerymorstan
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>A brief interlude in a roller skating bar. Yknow. Like ya do.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Half Midnight In The Arse-Crack Of Winter

**Author's Note:**

  * For [Violsva](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Violsva/gifts).



> for vi, who is lovely, and who deserves to feel lovely. <3
> 
> i fucked up the order of the "to" and "from" fields, but since i work for kudos, i can live with that.

 

To: Mary Morstan Watson

From: Sherlock Holmes

**Short Wife!**

**Have I mentioned lately that you are beautiful and lovely and**

**Hold on John is making me look at some sort of writer website on his mobile**

 

To: Sherlock Holmes

From: Mary Morstan Watson

**Oh Lord.**

 

To: Mary Morstan Watson

From: Sherlock Holmes

**... Radiant?**

**This website is rubbish. You aren't radiant at all.**

**In fact if you began to emit light I would conclude that those idiots at Baskerville had got hold of you.**

**Then I would have to kill them.**

**And _then_ Mycroft would have to fill out all sorts of paperwork.**

**He *hates* paperwork.**

**Hmm.**

**Maybe I should kill people more often.**

 

To: Sherlock Holmes

From: Mary Morstan Watson

**Nope, stop talking, you're done.**

**What d'you want?**

 

To: Mary Morstan Watson

From: Sherlock Holmes

**Oh, nothing, nothing.**

**Just for you to swing by Vauxhall and convince quite a lot of drunk people on roller skates that I am in fact married to a woman.**

**Who is in fact carrying my child.**

**Who did in fact end up in said woman by the, um, usual method.**

 

To: Sherlock Holmes

From: Mary Morstan Watson

**Wow.**

**What an appalling offer.**

 

To: Mary Morstan Watson

From: Sherlock Holmes

**Did you do a John?**

**Surely you meant "appealing".**

 

To: Sherlock Holmes

From: Mary Morstan Watson

**William Sherlock Scott Holmes**

 

To: Mary Morstan Watson

From: Sherlock Holmes

**Shit.**

 

To: Sherlock Holmes

From: Mary Morstan Watson

**It is half midnight.**

**In the arse-crack of winter.**

**I have only just managed to put down our thirteen-month-old son without his waking up and screaming for me.**

**I have been trying to put him down since eight.**

**I am thirty-four weeks pregnant with a stupidly tall baby because I just *had* to reproduce with her stupidly tall father.**

**Is that enough clay, or do you need more so you can make enough bricks for me to beat some sense into you?**

 

To: Mary Morstan Watson

From: Sherlock Holmes

**No, no, thank you.**

**I'm feeling quite sensible.**

**And beaten.**

 

To: Sherlock Holmes

From: Mary Morstan Watson

**Good.**

 

To: Mary Morstan Watson

From: Sherlock Holmes

**Sorry.**

**They were laughing at me.**

 

To: Sherlock Holmes

From: Mary Morstan Watson

**"They"? Who's "they"?**

 

To: Mary Morstan Watson

From: Sherlock Holmes

**The drunk people on roller skates.**

**John and I are at this awful bar because one of our suspects is a bartender here and I wanted to observe him without being observed so I was pretending to be drunk and was actually on roller skates and one of the drunk people said I looked like a spastic giraffe and in my head I was very clever and made a cutting remark about his hairline but in my mouth I shouted a lot about how at least I had a fucking hot and very pregnant wife and then the drunk people laughed and I rolled into the bathroom and cried in a stall like a normal person.**

**John found me eventually and I asked if he would help me figure out how to tell you you were beautiful so he sat in the stall next to me and passed his phone under the wall with the writer website and I gave it back but he's still waiting for me.**

 

To: Sherlock Holmes

From: Mary Morstan Watson

**Wait wait wait.**

**Does John know why you were crying?**

 

To: Mary Morstan Watson

From: Sherlock Holmes

**No.**

**Can't tell him.**

 

To: Sherlock Holmes

From: Mary Morstan Watson

**He doesn't know what that man said to you?**

 

To: Mary Morstan Watson

From: Sherlock Holmes

**Nope.**

 

To: Sherlock Holmes

From: Mary Morstan Watson

**Is it all right if I tell him?**

**Sherlock?**

 

To: Mary Morstan Watson

From: Sherlock Holmes

**what if he leaves**

 

To: Sherlock Holmes

From: Mary Morstan Watson

**What if who leaves?**

 

To: Mary Morstan Watson

From: Sherlock Holmes

**john**

 

To: Sherlock Holmes

From: Mary Morstan Watson

**What, the bathroom?**

**He'll wait for you somewhere else.**

**Promise.**

 

To: Mary Morstan Watson

From: Sherlock Holmes

**no**

 

To: Sherlock Holmes

From: Mary Morstan Watson

**?**

 

To: Mary Morstan Watson

From: Sherlock Holmes

**what if he *leaves* leaves**

 

To: Sherlock Holmes

From: Mary Morstan Watson

**Oh.**

**Sherlock.**

 

To: Mary Morstan Watson

From: Sherlock Holmes

**you arent freaks**

**why do you stay with one**

 

To: Sherlock Holmes

From: Mary Morstan Watson

**Shush. We're all freaks, and it's all fine.**

**Now tell John what made you cry.**

**Darling?**

**You still with me?**

 

To: Mary Morstan Watson

From: Sherlock Holmes

**Wow.**

 

To: Sherlock Holmes

From: Mary Morstan Watson

**Ah.**

**So you told him, yeah?**

 

To: Mary Morstan Watson

From: Sherlock Holmes

**Mmm.**

 

To: Sherlock Holmes

From: Mary Morstan Watson

**And he went back to the dance floor, and you followed him?**

 

To: Mary Morstan Watson

From: Sherlock Holmes

**Yep.**

 

To: Sherlock Holmes

From: Mary Morstan Watson

**And he chinned the guy?**

 

To: Mary Morstan Watson

From: Sherlock Holmes

**Right in the chin.**

 

To: Sherlock Holmes

From: Mary Morstan Watson

**Exeunt, pursued by a bouncer?**

 

To: Mary Morstan Watson

From: Sherlock Holmes

**We skated on the pavement til we found a cab that would take us.**

**John held my hand.**

**Then he held my arse.**

**Then for reasons completely unrelated to the arse-holding I became Distracted and tripped on my skates and fell.**

**Then John tripped on me.**

**And fell.**

**We are on our way home and the cabbie is trying not to ask us about the roller skates.**

**Or the blood.**

 

To: Sherlock Holmes

From: Mary Morstan Watson

**Oh Lord.**

**I'll get the Bactrim.**

 

To: Mary Morstan Watson

From: Sherlock Holmes

**That's my girl.**

**See you soon.**

 

To: Sherlock Holmes

From: Mary Morstan Watson

**:-***

 


End file.
